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Kris' Narative Comments

Page history last edited by PBworks 17 years, 12 months ago

Kris-

 

Your narrative is not bad. In fact it is pretty interesting with loads of drama.

 

I just am really confused by your last paragraph when you say "I began the long trek down the mountain to a local campground that happened to be occupied by a family. Thank god these people were friendly enough to call my now current friends Chris and Ty, who in turn called the police and the search for me was initiated. Unfortunately, no one was able to locate me..".

 

Perhaps I am just reading this incorrectly but I read it as (in the simplest way I can write it): You go down the mountain to a local campground. In the campground there was a family. The family saw you. The family called your friends. Your friends called the police. The police then began to search for you. Nobody knew where you were.

 

I hope you can see where I am struggling with this little bit. If the family saw you then somebody knew where you were. If the family was at a local campground somebody knew where they were. They called your friends (to let them know you were alright?). Your friend called police (to let them know that you were safe?). And then I get confused...So the police start searching for you knowing where you were, and nobody was able to find you when the family was with you and you were waiting for help?

 

Other than that little bit of confusion your narrative is pretty good. I like how the drama was not added but rather built in and how you write...

 

Another issue that I just remembered that hopefully you can clarify: Did you like run away from home (2000 miles) to go on the mountain or were you already away from home and you were supposed to be coming home but decided to stay...

 

Oh well,

 

Anyways your narrative is pretty good...I just am confused (naturally)

 

-Hend

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