Dammit! I need a miracle. I’ve been sitting here on my knees for twenty minutes and nothings happened. I can’t believe that God hasn’t answered my prayer. He’s like the most retarded deity ever. I’m totally going to beat up those kids in Campus Crusade for Christ.
“Oh Shit! I lost consciousness again and missed Megan’s prayer. Now she’s going to be pissed. I’d like to see her “eternally begetting” a son and not passing out from the pain”
I’ll try it one more time. “Jesus Jesus up in the sky, take my words before I die, float them on up to heaven, if they come true I’ll eat some bread a leaven. Today I need you to have Steve Janes from my Rhetorics of Rhythm class die in a car accident.” Amen
Is that girl still praying? Out loud too, nobody really does that anymore. Maybe I will not smite the earth today. The only people that ever talk to me are those Campus Crusades for Christ Kids. And they are soooo lame.
“Oh crap Bandit! Why are you eating up my Voodoo doll. Don’t you realize I spent forty five hours trying to get it to match his exactly likeness”
Is that what that is? I gotta give her some credit, it really does sort of look like him. Doesn’t she know that they sell those in lots on ebay though. I’ve even got one. (Stephen gets out of bed and feels a shooting pain in his stomach, he walks into the bathroom and vomits. “No more fish taco’s before bedtime”)
Great! Now I’m stuck cleaning up doll stuffing I won’t have time to stop and eat lunch at that applebee’s by my house. The one that’s not on 4th street and fortieth ave. The other one.
Is she really going out dressed like that? I said blessed are the poor in spirit, not fashion sense.
Driving to school
If God isn’t going to do it. I’ll take matters into my own hands. They’ll let me off for a DWI vehicular homicide with a few years probation. My uncle’s a judge after all.
What is that? Is that the blood of Christ in the car? It smells like…..oh myself it is….and she doesn’t even have any body of Christ to dilute it.
Class
I can’t believe how much sense Trey makes….hick…hick…all of a sudden. Papa Trope Hahahaha…hick….burp
Bad holy spirit! Bad holy spirit! Give that back. Oh wait…I mean I’m sorry….WHAT?! you’re not going to forgive me? For that? Come on…..I can change.
Driving to work
I bet you if I let go of the wheel. I could close my eyes and count to fifty and God would drive the car. 1…..2…..3…
She has so much faith. Maybe I will answer her prayer.
At work
It’s so cool working at Mermaids. They don’t care how much of a buzz I carry. If only that didn’t dock my pay for each of my scars.
Your body is supposed to be a temple of my spirit! Why does she have all those marks on her? Are those new? Is that that other girl from idh4000 in there? Getting a dance? What? Could you tell those Me-freaks to hold on for a second, I’ll answer their prayers just later.
Back at home
I feel so guilty. There’s no way Aaron knows right? I mean who would tell him. I shouldn’t feel guilty. It was okay. I was just not thinking. I drank too much.
It’s your own conscious you can’t hide from. I hope you learned your lesson. I’m so tired after falling you around all day I hope I didn’t miss anything.
Hey babe, you don’t stop by “the office” to see me did you? Oh…no reason? Really? By a car? My school? It’s all over the news? That’s awful. Listen do you want me to come over?
Well, I figured I’d reward her for being more exciting than jesus acting cocky at a leper colony.
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